God made strong for a reason Take 2

So I am sure most of you have seen my fb status post today.

Today was one of the hardest days of my adult life. Its a fact. But it also was a turning point. Rock bottom hurts, but the awesome thing is you can only go up from here.

I will start with self exams are not a joke and you and only you know your body. With that being said about 6 weeks ago while performing a self breast exam I noticed something "different" on my right side. Hmm, well that was odd. Mind you I generally only do them once a month and generally right after my cycle.

Of course concerned I talk myself out of it being anything and in fact say nothing to my husband. I probably let it go for about a week. I mean shoot its probably just my body changing, I have gone down in bra size major. I am sure its nothing. I don't know why but I let 2 weeks past before feeling it again. And sure enough it was STILL there. Hmmm now I am sure at this point it is not supposed to be there. It was a Friday morning. I became concerned, but yet still told only myself. Contrary belief to most I don't like to talk about me, or how I am doing or I don't want to "burden" people with my life. That night I felt again still there, Sunday still there and I swear getting bigger. Monday are we sure this is really there... I'm not dreaming right.

Needless to say it took me some time to "convince" myself I should see a doctor because there was/is something there. I called and of course they make you feel dumb for not calling sooner. So when did you feel this. Umm 4 weeks ago, What wow, how big do you think it is, Umm pea to nickle(sorry size of hail was on my mind)okay well he doesn't work on Fridays so Monday at 115. Okay so it was set. I went in to see my OBGYN, he confirms that there is a knot there and that it could be something. In fact he goes into some detail that if its not solid they won't biopsy, however if its soft they will stick a needle in and drain, meaning it is a cyst but that it for sure needs drained because a cyst is breeding ground for cancer cells. Wonderful! Thanks for the up lifting message right.

At this point I freaked. I mean I heard only the worst. I started stressing and have the stress zits to prove it. I mean what most of you don't know is that when I started losing weight I told myself and Brent the only thing I didn't want to lose was my boobs. I seem to like them for some odd reason!! LOL! So Monday we scheduled a mammogram and sono on the side that has the "knot". The days seem very long and wearing to get to this point.

As of today things in my life have changed. Remember at the point going to sleep last night I was very concerned. However ( I will not elaborate) as of this morning, I didn't care. Cut them off.

So to my appointment we went. I wanted to go alone, but when my husband mom and brother are involved I don't get to. So they were all there. I went in, and not gunna lie at FIRST(key word) the mamo was not bad I was like why do ppl freak out about this and say its painful. I soon found out why. I wouldn't know what a "normal" mammogram works as this is my first, but I would wager to guess that they generally don't take 12 pictures. They don't leave the room come back and say well he wants this picture but this angle right by the knot. In my mind great this is the last thing we need today. Please sweet baby Jesus let this be bc he was blind and couldn't see. Okay well she leaves and then comes back and states "oh well we have to get you down stairs they are ready for you, he still didn't like that picture so I have special instructions for her(being the sono tech).

To sono I go the back way, authorized ppl only signs LOL. They put me in this room look like normal sono room, until I turn. "umm what in the world is the scapulae doing in here, and the needle and the bandages and the iodine, umm my family is still up stairs, as much as I wanted to do alone, I no longer had the want to." This super nice cute little lady comes in. She doesn't say much does her sono thing and keeps taking pictures. Well crap this can not be good???? Then she stops. "Okay do me a favor and take one finger and point to where you feel this spot" I did exactly that and she says "oh oh I see it now." Okay encouraging right or not so right???? I mean see does see something but I had to point it out?? Back to quite she went. And the words I get to hear again "let me go see if the radiologist likes these pictures or wants different ones" It felt like she was gone for an hour. Then she was back. "go ahead and get dress and then I will help you find your way out of here." Thoughts: so nothing??? or you can't tell me??? I walk out and she whispers(she and I are the only ones around) "i'm not supposed to tell you this but I think you are fine. " I follow up with"well my dr said regardless it gets biopsied or drained" her "well it might be too small to drain"... SWEET BABY JESUS!!!

So now the waiting game begins again. 7-10 days before they will get back to me. So regardless of what it is. I am fine with it. You work through it you don't allow it to stop you. I have however found out caffeine is a contributor to cyst in breast and to breast cancer. Good thing I don't really consume it.

I am fine with waiting this time. I am sure it has something to do with my mind is currently on something else. And that too is okay with me. I believe everything happens for a reason. Generally all those things point right back to God. I generally would hate the waiting game. I am fine with sticking a needle in to drain it. I really would like NO breeding of any cells to create anything. I am fine with whatever the outcome is. I do truly believe if tomorrow I was told you live or cut them off. I am 110% I live with no breast. Because why I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!

Still emotionally drained and for my status's I am sorry. I try to be a very positive person.

Here is a little something for you:

I felt like eating my emotions today. I looked at pumpkin pie and about opened it and ate it in the store. But I turned away. I wanted a yes Im going to say it and gag quarter pounder extra cheese. uggghh McDonald's smelt great today. I almost bought 144 cookies. Yep wanted to eat them. However I found healthy veg outs. Salad hummus, pretzels. NO soda, SPARK instead.

When you change your life you see the results you've always dreamed about. Believe me it would have been EASY to eat these things I speak of. However I know how many hours it takes to burn off a quarter pounder and well I just don't have that much time tomorrow. Not to mention I would never get to burring off the other "junk" I could have eaten.

So I end with this
1. Thank you for PRAYERS and SUPPORT
2. Never give up on YOURSELF
3. Find healthy alt
4. Surround yourself with AMAZING SOLID PPL. They will be the ones to save you and be there to pick you up when you hit rock bottom.
5. SELF EXAMS Save LIVES!!
6. NO one knows your body better than you NO ONE
7. You don't get to PLAY GOD
8. I am blessed to have a mom whom saves our lives every day rather she knows it or not
9. My family is the best and I love them all
10. FAMILY FIRST FOREVER

Happy Birthday to my littlest man!!! Zachary Treyvis, you came into our lives unexpected, we were told you were sick. I will always know GOD healed you and you have forever changed our lives!! Happy 3rd birthday big guy!