So tonight sitting here I was like. I really should blog. Its been awhile. AWHILE is an understatement. I mean how could I let last Monday go by and not update my blog!!!!???
Ha!
Well most all of you know by now that last Monday so a week ago today I got my results back and they were not only great they were fanfreckintastic. My life has been so busy I honestly got my news Monday and moved on to the next thing.
I dislike busy. I mean we allow the time to slip away from us without even realizing it. BUMMER. I am learning fast that when we get those small moments of time with special people in our life that we need to give all that time to them. Up until last week I can't tell you the last time I honestly spent time outside with my kids. Even more with my littlest man. I have allowed myself to get so consumed in "things" that I forget how amazing just watching them grow and play warms my heart like nothing else.
To look into my kids eyes mean the world to me. Eyes say a lot to me and always have. I find it necessary to look into someones eyes when they talk. You should try it, it says so much more than the words that are coming out of their mouths. When I look into either one of my boys baby blues that are very similar to you, however very different to me I see hope, I see what can be what will be and what they dream of. When I look into my daughters very simple but deep in thought brown eyes I see who I am and how I affect her and how I mean so much to someone so small and simple. I give her a very hard time for being very emotional but I know she gets the river of tears from me and her emotional outburst, yep right here. Its so hard to look at your kids and get upset when they act, talk and walk like you. You can only see what you allow yourself to see and man I have spent some time being blind.
So back to my original point. Last Monday morning at about 7:45am I found out that the "lump"/"spot" that I had allowed myself to get all worked up about, entirely over emotional about was in fact something but nothing to be concerned about. That the sono and mamo came back clear and that what I thought was my boob in fact was in my armpit and that it was/is most likely a torn tendon. So I had to go to light lifting, which hasn't been bad as I did a little change and actually have primarily only been walking in the mornings. Which is so refreshing to be around amazing people. So the lifting thing hasn't even been a problem. Nice thing is that actually just last night I was like umm where did it go I can slightly still feel it but its hardly there anymore. ODD! Remember I wasn't even supposed to find out for 7-10 days and got to find out way sooner. :) GOD IS GOOD! So no cutting, no needles I am free for another two years!!! :) Due to family history I now have to go back and have mamo every two years, good thing totally not complaining.
We celebrated Trey's birthday since last blog(I think I may have blogged about this) we had a great time and he made out like a bandit.
Well I think I will stop here for tonight I am tired so break it down I guess:
1. I get to see my sister Josh and Addi this week!! STOKED
2. I don't know that I am emotional prepared
3. I am having a lot of "memories" of things from the past and have a dislike for some of them
4. None of these are making sense to anyone but me and that's OKAY
5. Take time, put your phone down and look into your babies eyes it may scare you what you see but you will only learn to love them even more than you already do
6. Everyone needs someone to love them
7. Greater things are yet to come
8. You are never guaranteed tomorrow so be sure you do your BEST today
9. BELIEVE IN YOU
10. Never allow your surroundings to define WHO you are!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I'm half way there and didn't KNOW IT!!!`
Wow!
I am overwhelmed by all of the response I got today on facebook when I posted that I had lost 50 pounds. I means the world to me that one, you all follow me and keep up with my crazy, a little dramatic, sometimes uncensored life. You are my support and couldn't have gotten this far without each one of you.
Let me break down what 50 pounds looks like. Well shes 6 years old she stands about 4 foot tall(im guessing here bc i have no clue lol i should know), she has blonde hair, brown eyes. Shes known most the time as my middle child and my daughter. Yep, Dacia weighs 50 pounds and I just lost her(not really lol she used to like to run away not any more)!!!
The best part about it was this, I was so consumed with what was going on last week in my dang personal life that I forgot to even weigh. And to be upfront and honest when I stepped on the scale Saturday because of the un-controlled stress in my life I was sure I was going to have gained weight and I was prepared for that. It was like I had set myself up for the worst to only find out that what.... well one I was really truly under 240 and even better yet I was closer to 230 than I've been in almost 3 years, AND AND woot woot 50 pounds lighter.
I inside knew that I had lost more because the dress pants that I just bought oh well I would have to look at the blog well like 2 weeks ago are already starting to get big in the legs again!!! :) :)
So I had a good friend from high school encourage me to post pictures. I will soon I promise. I need to have Brent take a current picture. However I was telling her that it is amazing to me to just look at pictures from Easter to some of the JFJ pictures we took. Crazy!!! She also was like ok what are you doing when you work out.
So.... HERE it is. This is currently what I am doing while at the y.
I always start with cardio. I always have. If my shin would quit hurting I would go back to using the app on my phone called c25k. Its based on weeks and helps you train for a 5k. I was just starting week two. I did week one twice just because I wanted to make sure I was ready lol. Any ways you run for 60 seconds and walk for 90. But I had to change that all back up. So I went back to the elliptical. I go 5 days a week and use my phone religiously. I have apps on there that keep me on pace and accountable and track my calories(which I might be addicted to). MWF I use the elliptical with incline. I generally choose a program and always set my time to an hour(fyi it defaults to this unless you use the weight loss program and then you are only allowed 30 min). I use the glute program. It generally puts me at a 10-12 incline on the high end and 6-8 on the low end. With a resistance as 8-12 on the higher incline, and a 6/8 on the low end. On T/R I use the normal elliptical. I start out with resistance of 10, I attempt to stay there for 30 min and then change it off and on for the next 30 min. There are days that I try to bike but I am not a fan of it. I thought I was going to be in the beginning, but haven't had much passion for it. Then I always try to get at least 15 min of weights in. MWF I do my arms, and TR my legs. I have found myself being nicer to my legs when I do work them. I do abs every day. I use two different blue machines. One is abs where you choose your weight resistance and one is the side to side machine. I have also found myself doing more arm workouts lately just because it is a focus area of mine and I really want my arms toned. Key for females is lighter weight more reps. I can't seem to get this in my head. I want it to be hard for me but then I tend to not get my 30-60 reps in. Then I don't feel it the next day and wonder why. I also have ventured to the "professional" side lol. It is just what I personally call it however it is the red side with the real weights lol and free weights. I had Brent show me somethings and have been working towards courage here and just doing it. I am by far not the most fit person in there and I have an inner thing I am working on but I always feel like they are staring at me for not being fit like them, when really its the opposite. Its not comfortable for me so I don't do it. Ha CHANGE!!! You have to step out of your comfort zone to move to the next level. I would bet I WILL STILL BE STANDING when I do.(you had to be in my church the am to understand but its okay :))
So there you go this is where I am currently.
My suggestion to any of you, where ever you may be where ever you want to start you always have to start somewhere. What works for me may never work for you. This is the whole reason you can't buy CRAP off of an infommerical. You have to get out of your comfort zone and go to the next level. Every gym has a trainer reach out. They are trained to be there and paid darn good money. They want to help and you will never be a burden to them. My overall suggestion is this, just you getting up and going is a start. Start with 30 min of cardio. Who cares what the calories are and how far you go or how fast or slow, what matter is you are there. What you will begin to feel will be overwhelming to you. You will sleep better feel better be in a better mood find it more enjoyable to just get out of bed daily.
DO IT, you won't be sad!!!! Just remember it won't come off over night, you didn't put it on overnight. The choice is yours. I will be here to support you, you are more than welcome to call text message me email me. In fact here's my email. michele.deviney@gmail.com
Just side note to end. Of course I'll have my Letterman top ten break it down lol.
I have made a few new friends at the y here lately. Its really funny to me actually. They are all older than me. Kinda cute. Anyways there is this little old man that it doesn't matter what time I go he is generally there. I'm not going to lie I found it odd at first. The only time I seem to not see him at 5am. So I thought I am for sure going every day at this time then I don't have to worry about him watching me. Come on don't laugh I thought he was creepy. So anyways two weeks ago he sees me there and I am going to town, sweat rolling off me, jamming to my music, and low and behold there are all other machines open and he has to get on the one next to me. What in the world I think dang it. I even thought of cutting my time in half. But kept going. I finished so guess who else finishes. Yep my little old man friend. I go to get my stuff to clean my machine and he finally taps me on the shoulder. I remove my headsets "hey little lady" he says "uhh looking around(duh why he tapped me right) yess" I say.
man: "where have you been?"
me: "what?"
man: "well you haven't been coming at your "normal" time"(mind you I don't have one)\
me:"my time is never normal" me laughing
man"yes it is", "where have you been"
me: thinking okay I already told you this "here I just have had to come earlier"
man: "well can you not do that"
me... long pause
man: "you are the only person here who can encourage me to not get off the machine after 10 min"
me: "really"
man: "yep I paid these trainers good money and they couldn't get me to do it"
me: "oh well i guess thats good"
see i had seen him time after time increase his time and try to keep up with me and one day i thought he was going to fall off, and he had to stop shook his head and walked out.
man: "and another thought little lady why did you start listening to different music"
... i paused again thinking to myself what in the world... really you can hear my music dang time to turn it down
me "did notice I did"
man: "yep you used to listen about good things in fact I think you listen to Kari... whats her last name"
me "jobe"
man: "yep, she is amazing and you cry when you listen to her."
me "umm sometimes shes very powerful"
man "you are too, and you don't know it, you need to know that I come to socialize, but theres something about you and you need to quit listening to that heavy music its not good for you"
me: "you've got a point there sir and thank you"
and he walked away. I have NO clue what this guys name is, had no CLUE he cared, had NO CLUE he could hear my music and NO CLUE I cried that much when Kari Jobe sings. I mean I knew I did off and on, but really.
It just goes to show you never know who is watching you who cares and who you can inspire. Young or old. I might add that I had never seen him in the weight room the whole 6 months I've been a member and last week he came in there and says, little lady(i guess that's my new name) show me something to help my arms. So I did. He only stayed for about 5 minutes, but he stayed. HOW AWESOME!!!!
Needless to say I went back to my Kari Jobe pandora. Unless swamp people are on. LOL!!! Actions speak louder than words and always will. What actions are you setting for people to see.
BREAK IT DOWN
1. I'm Still STANDING(love love loved this message)
2. Take one day at a time
3. Never give up on yourself
4. We are not guarantee tomorrow
5. Be thankful everyday for something. There is always SOMETHING
6. Where is YOUR foundation
7. HEAR and OBEY
8. From this day FORWARD(we don't get to go back)
9. Instead of cursing GOD, Bless Him for allowing you to STILL BE STANDING
10. Your FAITH will ALWAYS be TESTED. Stand up to the TEST and guess what YOU WILL STILL BE STANDING!!
Love you all
GN!!
I am overwhelmed by all of the response I got today on facebook when I posted that I had lost 50 pounds. I means the world to me that one, you all follow me and keep up with my crazy, a little dramatic, sometimes uncensored life. You are my support and couldn't have gotten this far without each one of you.
Let me break down what 50 pounds looks like. Well shes 6 years old she stands about 4 foot tall(im guessing here bc i have no clue lol i should know), she has blonde hair, brown eyes. Shes known most the time as my middle child and my daughter. Yep, Dacia weighs 50 pounds and I just lost her(not really lol she used to like to run away not any more)!!!
The best part about it was this, I was so consumed with what was going on last week in my dang personal life that I forgot to even weigh. And to be upfront and honest when I stepped on the scale Saturday because of the un-controlled stress in my life I was sure I was going to have gained weight and I was prepared for that. It was like I had set myself up for the worst to only find out that what.... well one I was really truly under 240 and even better yet I was closer to 230 than I've been in almost 3 years, AND AND woot woot 50 pounds lighter.
I inside knew that I had lost more because the dress pants that I just bought oh well I would have to look at the blog well like 2 weeks ago are already starting to get big in the legs again!!! :) :)
So I had a good friend from high school encourage me to post pictures. I will soon I promise. I need to have Brent take a current picture. However I was telling her that it is amazing to me to just look at pictures from Easter to some of the JFJ pictures we took. Crazy!!! She also was like ok what are you doing when you work out.
So.... HERE it is. This is currently what I am doing while at the y.
I always start with cardio. I always have. If my shin would quit hurting I would go back to using the app on my phone called c25k. Its based on weeks and helps you train for a 5k. I was just starting week two. I did week one twice just because I wanted to make sure I was ready lol. Any ways you run for 60 seconds and walk for 90. But I had to change that all back up. So I went back to the elliptical. I go 5 days a week and use my phone religiously. I have apps on there that keep me on pace and accountable and track my calories(which I might be addicted to). MWF I use the elliptical with incline. I generally choose a program and always set my time to an hour(fyi it defaults to this unless you use the weight loss program and then you are only allowed 30 min). I use the glute program. It generally puts me at a 10-12 incline on the high end and 6-8 on the low end. With a resistance as 8-12 on the higher incline, and a 6/8 on the low end. On T/R I use the normal elliptical. I start out with resistance of 10, I attempt to stay there for 30 min and then change it off and on for the next 30 min. There are days that I try to bike but I am not a fan of it. I thought I was going to be in the beginning, but haven't had much passion for it. Then I always try to get at least 15 min of weights in. MWF I do my arms, and TR my legs. I have found myself being nicer to my legs when I do work them. I do abs every day. I use two different blue machines. One is abs where you choose your weight resistance and one is the side to side machine. I have also found myself doing more arm workouts lately just because it is a focus area of mine and I really want my arms toned. Key for females is lighter weight more reps. I can't seem to get this in my head. I want it to be hard for me but then I tend to not get my 30-60 reps in. Then I don't feel it the next day and wonder why. I also have ventured to the "professional" side lol. It is just what I personally call it however it is the red side with the real weights lol and free weights. I had Brent show me somethings and have been working towards courage here and just doing it. I am by far not the most fit person in there and I have an inner thing I am working on but I always feel like they are staring at me for not being fit like them, when really its the opposite. Its not comfortable for me so I don't do it. Ha CHANGE!!! You have to step out of your comfort zone to move to the next level. I would bet I WILL STILL BE STANDING when I do.(you had to be in my church the am to understand but its okay :))
So there you go this is where I am currently.
My suggestion to any of you, where ever you may be where ever you want to start you always have to start somewhere. What works for me may never work for you. This is the whole reason you can't buy CRAP off of an infommerical. You have to get out of your comfort zone and go to the next level. Every gym has a trainer reach out. They are trained to be there and paid darn good money. They want to help and you will never be a burden to them. My overall suggestion is this, just you getting up and going is a start. Start with 30 min of cardio. Who cares what the calories are and how far you go or how fast or slow, what matter is you are there. What you will begin to feel will be overwhelming to you. You will sleep better feel better be in a better mood find it more enjoyable to just get out of bed daily.
DO IT, you won't be sad!!!! Just remember it won't come off over night, you didn't put it on overnight. The choice is yours. I will be here to support you, you are more than welcome to call text message me email me. In fact here's my email. michele.deviney@gmail.com
Just side note to end. Of course I'll have my Letterman top ten break it down lol.
I have made a few new friends at the y here lately. Its really funny to me actually. They are all older than me. Kinda cute. Anyways there is this little old man that it doesn't matter what time I go he is generally there. I'm not going to lie I found it odd at first. The only time I seem to not see him at 5am. So I thought I am for sure going every day at this time then I don't have to worry about him watching me. Come on don't laugh I thought he was creepy. So anyways two weeks ago he sees me there and I am going to town, sweat rolling off me, jamming to my music, and low and behold there are all other machines open and he has to get on the one next to me. What in the world I think dang it. I even thought of cutting my time in half. But kept going. I finished so guess who else finishes. Yep my little old man friend. I go to get my stuff to clean my machine and he finally taps me on the shoulder. I remove my headsets "hey little lady" he says "uhh looking around(duh why he tapped me right) yess" I say.
man: "where have you been?"
me: "what?"
man: "well you haven't been coming at your "normal" time"(mind you I don't have one)\
me:"my time is never normal" me laughing
man"yes it is", "where have you been"
me: thinking okay I already told you this "here I just have had to come earlier"
man: "well can you not do that"
me... long pause
man: "you are the only person here who can encourage me to not get off the machine after 10 min"
me: "really"
man: "yep I paid these trainers good money and they couldn't get me to do it"
me: "oh well i guess thats good"
see i had seen him time after time increase his time and try to keep up with me and one day i thought he was going to fall off, and he had to stop shook his head and walked out.
man: "and another thought little lady why did you start listening to different music"
... i paused again thinking to myself what in the world... really you can hear my music dang time to turn it down
me "did notice I did"
man: "yep you used to listen about good things in fact I think you listen to Kari... whats her last name"
me "jobe"
man: "yep, she is amazing and you cry when you listen to her."
me "umm sometimes shes very powerful"
man "you are too, and you don't know it, you need to know that I come to socialize, but theres something about you and you need to quit listening to that heavy music its not good for you"
me: "you've got a point there sir and thank you"
and he walked away. I have NO clue what this guys name is, had no CLUE he cared, had NO CLUE he could hear my music and NO CLUE I cried that much when Kari Jobe sings. I mean I knew I did off and on, but really.
It just goes to show you never know who is watching you who cares and who you can inspire. Young or old. I might add that I had never seen him in the weight room the whole 6 months I've been a member and last week he came in there and says, little lady(i guess that's my new name) show me something to help my arms. So I did. He only stayed for about 5 minutes, but he stayed. HOW AWESOME!!!!
Needless to say I went back to my Kari Jobe pandora. Unless swamp people are on. LOL!!! Actions speak louder than words and always will. What actions are you setting for people to see.
BREAK IT DOWN
1. I'm Still STANDING(love love loved this message)
2. Take one day at a time
3. Never give up on yourself
4. We are not guarantee tomorrow
5. Be thankful everyday for something. There is always SOMETHING
6. Where is YOUR foundation
7. HEAR and OBEY
8. From this day FORWARD(we don't get to go back)
9. Instead of cursing GOD, Bless Him for allowing you to STILL BE STANDING
10. Your FAITH will ALWAYS be TESTED. Stand up to the TEST and guess what YOU WILL STILL BE STANDING!!
Love you all
GN!!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Just some encouragment
Today I'll be honest my alarm went off at 6 and I was like um, I think I'll text Andrea and tell her I'm too sore. But I love that the "accountable" part of me was like no she'll go alone and without you and want kind of friend is that??? So yes sore and all I went however I was able to get educated further on more Advocare products that I didn't knew where out there and what they do for your body and how they help well my soreness!!! :) Needless to say I really enjoyed the last two mornings. I have an absolute love for her and her family and not only what they have done for my family, but what they do for every ones families. We talk about Jenny as a loving mother, sister, daughter, aunt, friend and co-worker. It is no wonder they were close friends as they are the same person. :)
The last two mornings easily for me could have been "pitty" mornings, however I had someone I had to be accountable to. Huge gain for me HUGE. I made the commitment and I don't like to not full fill commitments. However I started my day with a "freshness" "renewed" "ready to take on the day".
Point here is that you need to be accountable to someone and make commitments, it will make your life style change journey (weight loss challenge) much more easy and make you feel more accomplished.
So didn't mean to go on but here are somethings I have found this morning while reading and looking for some things for my mom and sister.
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness makes you grow beyond where you were"
"Women will always be examples of right living to their children. Showing your kids what forgiveness looks like will always be one of your most important examples."
Colossians 3:13
Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has (freely) forgiven you, so must you also forgive.
"As a woman, you are not automatically assigned the job of "chief worrier." Instead, fill your heart with trust, hope, and God's peace. You'll sleep so much better at night"
"It's in those excruciating, dark and raw moments that we feel GOD...maybe for the first times in our lives"
"Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to wait for God to show you what's next in your life. But just know that God is never late and it's always worth the wait"
Galatians 6:9
And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint
Don't forget that God has filled your heart with dreams. When you choose God's path to those dreams, the doors will open. God wants you to be happy more than you do.
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in darkness"
Don't be afraid to talk to God every single day. Nothing is too hard for Him. Every prayer is like planting a seed of hope. You never know when God will send you a harvest.
John 15:16
You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you and I have appointed you (I have planted you), that you might go and bear fruit and keep on bearing, and that your fruit may be lasting (that it may remain, abide), so that whatever you ask the Father in My name (as presenting all that I AM), He may give it to you
Take the time to listen to God before you make your own plans. God's idea will always work better than yours
Life is too short to compare yourself with everybody else. God has a very special plan just for you
Make up your mind you're going to make a difference to somebody else. You can be a blessing, you can say something positive to somebody else, and you can focus on making the most out of every moment.
The last two mornings easily for me could have been "pitty" mornings, however I had someone I had to be accountable to. Huge gain for me HUGE. I made the commitment and I don't like to not full fill commitments. However I started my day with a "freshness" "renewed" "ready to take on the day".
Point here is that you need to be accountable to someone and make commitments, it will make your life style change journey (weight loss challenge) much more easy and make you feel more accomplished.
So didn't mean to go on but here are somethings I have found this morning while reading and looking for some things for my mom and sister.
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness makes you grow beyond where you were"
"Women will always be examples of right living to their children. Showing your kids what forgiveness looks like will always be one of your most important examples."
Colossians 3:13
Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has (freely) forgiven you, so must you also forgive.
"As a woman, you are not automatically assigned the job of "chief worrier." Instead, fill your heart with trust, hope, and God's peace. You'll sleep so much better at night"
"It's in those excruciating, dark and raw moments that we feel GOD...maybe for the first times in our lives"
"Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to wait for God to show you what's next in your life. But just know that God is never late and it's always worth the wait"
Galatians 6:9
And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint
Don't forget that God has filled your heart with dreams. When you choose God's path to those dreams, the doors will open. God wants you to be happy more than you do.
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in darkness"
Don't be afraid to talk to God every single day. Nothing is too hard for Him. Every prayer is like planting a seed of hope. You never know when God will send you a harvest.
John 15:16
You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you and I have appointed you (I have planted you), that you might go and bear fruit and keep on bearing, and that your fruit may be lasting (that it may remain, abide), so that whatever you ask the Father in My name (as presenting all that I AM), He may give it to you
Take the time to listen to God before you make your own plans. God's idea will always work better than yours
Life is too short to compare yourself with everybody else. God has a very special plan just for you
Make up your mind you're going to make a difference to somebody else. You can be a blessing, you can say something positive to somebody else, and you can focus on making the most out of every moment.
Friday, August 19, 2011
God made strong for a reason Take 2
So I am sure most of you have seen my fb status post today.
Today was one of the hardest days of my adult life. Its a fact. But it also was a turning point. Rock bottom hurts, but the awesome thing is you can only go up from here.
I will start with self exams are not a joke and you and only you know your body. With that being said about 6 weeks ago while performing a self breast exam I noticed something "different" on my right side. Hmm, well that was odd. Mind you I generally only do them once a month and generally right after my cycle.
Of course concerned I talk myself out of it being anything and in fact say nothing to my husband. I probably let it go for about a week. I mean shoot its probably just my body changing, I have gone down in bra size major. I am sure its nothing. I don't know why but I let 2 weeks past before feeling it again. And sure enough it was STILL there. Hmmm now I am sure at this point it is not supposed to be there. It was a Friday morning. I became concerned, but yet still told only myself. Contrary belief to most I don't like to talk about me, or how I am doing or I don't want to "burden" people with my life. That night I felt again still there, Sunday still there and I swear getting bigger. Monday are we sure this is really there... I'm not dreaming right.
Needless to say it took me some time to "convince" myself I should see a doctor because there was/is something there. I called and of course they make you feel dumb for not calling sooner. So when did you feel this. Umm 4 weeks ago, What wow, how big do you think it is, Umm pea to nickle(sorry size of hail was on my mind)okay well he doesn't work on Fridays so Monday at 115. Okay so it was set. I went in to see my OBGYN, he confirms that there is a knot there and that it could be something. In fact he goes into some detail that if its not solid they won't biopsy, however if its soft they will stick a needle in and drain, meaning it is a cyst but that it for sure needs drained because a cyst is breeding ground for cancer cells. Wonderful! Thanks for the up lifting message right.
At this point I freaked. I mean I heard only the worst. I started stressing and have the stress zits to prove it. I mean what most of you don't know is that when I started losing weight I told myself and Brent the only thing I didn't want to lose was my boobs. I seem to like them for some odd reason!! LOL! So Monday we scheduled a mammogram and sono on the side that has the "knot". The days seem very long and wearing to get to this point.
As of today things in my life have changed. Remember at the point going to sleep last night I was very concerned. However ( I will not elaborate) as of this morning, I didn't care. Cut them off.
So to my appointment we went. I wanted to go alone, but when my husband mom and brother are involved I don't get to. So they were all there. I went in, and not gunna lie at FIRST(key word) the mamo was not bad I was like why do ppl freak out about this and say its painful. I soon found out why. I wouldn't know what a "normal" mammogram works as this is my first, but I would wager to guess that they generally don't take 12 pictures. They don't leave the room come back and say well he wants this picture but this angle right by the knot. In my mind great this is the last thing we need today. Please sweet baby Jesus let this be bc he was blind and couldn't see. Okay well she leaves and then comes back and states "oh well we have to get you down stairs they are ready for you, he still didn't like that picture so I have special instructions for her(being the sono tech).
To sono I go the back way, authorized ppl only signs LOL. They put me in this room look like normal sono room, until I turn. "umm what in the world is the scapulae doing in here, and the needle and the bandages and the iodine, umm my family is still up stairs, as much as I wanted to do alone, I no longer had the want to." This super nice cute little lady comes in. She doesn't say much does her sono thing and keeps taking pictures. Well crap this can not be good???? Then she stops. "Okay do me a favor and take one finger and point to where you feel this spot" I did exactly that and she says "oh oh I see it now." Okay encouraging right or not so right???? I mean see does see something but I had to point it out?? Back to quite she went. And the words I get to hear again "let me go see if the radiologist likes these pictures or wants different ones" It felt like she was gone for an hour. Then she was back. "go ahead and get dress and then I will help you find your way out of here." Thoughts: so nothing??? or you can't tell me??? I walk out and she whispers(she and I are the only ones around) "i'm not supposed to tell you this but I think you are fine. " I follow up with"well my dr said regardless it gets biopsied or drained" her "well it might be too small to drain"... SWEET BABY JESUS!!!
So now the waiting game begins again. 7-10 days before they will get back to me. So regardless of what it is. I am fine with it. You work through it you don't allow it to stop you. I have however found out caffeine is a contributor to cyst in breast and to breast cancer. Good thing I don't really consume it.
I am fine with waiting this time. I am sure it has something to do with my mind is currently on something else. And that too is okay with me. I believe everything happens for a reason. Generally all those things point right back to God. I generally would hate the waiting game. I am fine with sticking a needle in to drain it. I really would like NO breeding of any cells to create anything. I am fine with whatever the outcome is. I do truly believe if tomorrow I was told you live or cut them off. I am 110% I live with no breast. Because why I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!
Still emotionally drained and for my status's I am sorry. I try to be a very positive person.
Here is a little something for you:
I felt like eating my emotions today. I looked at pumpkin pie and about opened it and ate it in the store. But I turned away. I wanted a yes Im going to say it and gag quarter pounder extra cheese. uggghh McDonald's smelt great today. I almost bought 144 cookies. Yep wanted to eat them. However I found healthy veg outs. Salad hummus, pretzels. NO soda, SPARK instead.
When you change your life you see the results you've always dreamed about. Believe me it would have been EASY to eat these things I speak of. However I know how many hours it takes to burn off a quarter pounder and well I just don't have that much time tomorrow. Not to mention I would never get to burring off the other "junk" I could have eaten.
So I end with this
1. Thank you for PRAYERS and SUPPORT
2. Never give up on YOURSELF
3. Find healthy alt
4. Surround yourself with AMAZING SOLID PPL. They will be the ones to save you and be there to pick you up when you hit rock bottom.
5. SELF EXAMS Save LIVES!!
6. NO one knows your body better than you NO ONE
7. You don't get to PLAY GOD
8. I am blessed to have a mom whom saves our lives every day rather she knows it or not
9. My family is the best and I love them all
10. FAMILY FIRST FOREVER
Happy Birthday to my littlest man!!! Zachary Treyvis, you came into our lives unexpected, we were told you were sick. I will always know GOD healed you and you have forever changed our lives!! Happy 3rd birthday big guy!
Today was one of the hardest days of my adult life. Its a fact. But it also was a turning point. Rock bottom hurts, but the awesome thing is you can only go up from here.
I will start with self exams are not a joke and you and only you know your body. With that being said about 6 weeks ago while performing a self breast exam I noticed something "different" on my right side. Hmm, well that was odd. Mind you I generally only do them once a month and generally right after my cycle.
Of course concerned I talk myself out of it being anything and in fact say nothing to my husband. I probably let it go for about a week. I mean shoot its probably just my body changing, I have gone down in bra size major. I am sure its nothing. I don't know why but I let 2 weeks past before feeling it again. And sure enough it was STILL there. Hmmm now I am sure at this point it is not supposed to be there. It was a Friday morning. I became concerned, but yet still told only myself. Contrary belief to most I don't like to talk about me, or how I am doing or I don't want to "burden" people with my life. That night I felt again still there, Sunday still there and I swear getting bigger. Monday are we sure this is really there... I'm not dreaming right.
Needless to say it took me some time to "convince" myself I should see a doctor because there was/is something there. I called and of course they make you feel dumb for not calling sooner. So when did you feel this. Umm 4 weeks ago, What wow, how big do you think it is, Umm pea to nickle(sorry size of hail was on my mind)okay well he doesn't work on Fridays so Monday at 115. Okay so it was set. I went in to see my OBGYN, he confirms that there is a knot there and that it could be something. In fact he goes into some detail that if its not solid they won't biopsy, however if its soft they will stick a needle in and drain, meaning it is a cyst but that it for sure needs drained because a cyst is breeding ground for cancer cells. Wonderful! Thanks for the up lifting message right.
At this point I freaked. I mean I heard only the worst. I started stressing and have the stress zits to prove it. I mean what most of you don't know is that when I started losing weight I told myself and Brent the only thing I didn't want to lose was my boobs. I seem to like them for some odd reason!! LOL! So Monday we scheduled a mammogram and sono on the side that has the "knot". The days seem very long and wearing to get to this point.
As of today things in my life have changed. Remember at the point going to sleep last night I was very concerned. However ( I will not elaborate) as of this morning, I didn't care. Cut them off.
So to my appointment we went. I wanted to go alone, but when my husband mom and brother are involved I don't get to. So they were all there. I went in, and not gunna lie at FIRST(key word) the mamo was not bad I was like why do ppl freak out about this and say its painful. I soon found out why. I wouldn't know what a "normal" mammogram works as this is my first, but I would wager to guess that they generally don't take 12 pictures. They don't leave the room come back and say well he wants this picture but this angle right by the knot. In my mind great this is the last thing we need today. Please sweet baby Jesus let this be bc he was blind and couldn't see. Okay well she leaves and then comes back and states "oh well we have to get you down stairs they are ready for you, he still didn't like that picture so I have special instructions for her(being the sono tech).
To sono I go the back way, authorized ppl only signs LOL. They put me in this room look like normal sono room, until I turn. "umm what in the world is the scapulae doing in here, and the needle and the bandages and the iodine, umm my family is still up stairs, as much as I wanted to do alone, I no longer had the want to." This super nice cute little lady comes in. She doesn't say much does her sono thing and keeps taking pictures. Well crap this can not be good???? Then she stops. "Okay do me a favor and take one finger and point to where you feel this spot" I did exactly that and she says "oh oh I see it now." Okay encouraging right or not so right???? I mean see does see something but I had to point it out?? Back to quite she went. And the words I get to hear again "let me go see if the radiologist likes these pictures or wants different ones" It felt like she was gone for an hour. Then she was back. "go ahead and get dress and then I will help you find your way out of here." Thoughts: so nothing??? or you can't tell me??? I walk out and she whispers(she and I are the only ones around) "i'm not supposed to tell you this but I think you are fine. " I follow up with"well my dr said regardless it gets biopsied or drained" her "well it might be too small to drain"... SWEET BABY JESUS!!!
So now the waiting game begins again. 7-10 days before they will get back to me. So regardless of what it is. I am fine with it. You work through it you don't allow it to stop you. I have however found out caffeine is a contributor to cyst in breast and to breast cancer. Good thing I don't really consume it.
I am fine with waiting this time. I am sure it has something to do with my mind is currently on something else. And that too is okay with me. I believe everything happens for a reason. Generally all those things point right back to God. I generally would hate the waiting game. I am fine with sticking a needle in to drain it. I really would like NO breeding of any cells to create anything. I am fine with whatever the outcome is. I do truly believe if tomorrow I was told you live or cut them off. I am 110% I live with no breast. Because why I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!
Still emotionally drained and for my status's I am sorry. I try to be a very positive person.
Here is a little something for you:
I felt like eating my emotions today. I looked at pumpkin pie and about opened it and ate it in the store. But I turned away. I wanted a yes Im going to say it and gag quarter pounder extra cheese. uggghh McDonald's smelt great today. I almost bought 144 cookies. Yep wanted to eat them. However I found healthy veg outs. Salad hummus, pretzels. NO soda, SPARK instead.
When you change your life you see the results you've always dreamed about. Believe me it would have been EASY to eat these things I speak of. However I know how many hours it takes to burn off a quarter pounder and well I just don't have that much time tomorrow. Not to mention I would never get to burring off the other "junk" I could have eaten.
So I end with this
1. Thank you for PRAYERS and SUPPORT
2. Never give up on YOURSELF
3. Find healthy alt
4. Surround yourself with AMAZING SOLID PPL. They will be the ones to save you and be there to pick you up when you hit rock bottom.
5. SELF EXAMS Save LIVES!!
6. NO one knows your body better than you NO ONE
7. You don't get to PLAY GOD
8. I am blessed to have a mom whom saves our lives every day rather she knows it or not
9. My family is the best and I love them all
10. FAMILY FIRST FOREVER
Happy Birthday to my littlest man!!! Zachary Treyvis, you came into our lives unexpected, we were told you were sick. I will always know GOD healed you and you have forever changed our lives!! Happy 3rd birthday big guy!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
God made me strong for a reason part 1
I have always known I am strong. Come on I'm a girl and girls are stronger than boys. I just have never known how strong exactly. I am about to find out. And that for me is okay. I will take the curve ball and learn how to throw it right back. With that being said I had a great day yesterday.
Yesterday:
I got to see CT and TR and BR(lil B) lol!!! It is good to see old close friends. It was good just to chat catch up and realize that I'm not alone and see what it is like to keep it real. LOL!!
The next thing that happen was FANFRECKINTASTIC!!!!!!! LOL so I have been shopping with Lane Bryant for years, in fact more than I would like to recall. If you are my size you understand the store is for us "plus"size ladies. It is an awesome store and I love it. However I am 100% sure that my shopping adventures to there are OVER!!! Ha... so I tried on like 5 pairs of pants, found out what size I needed and then asked her to order them in tall. I am totally used to no one ever having talls its just one of them things you get used to be 5'10 lol!!! Well she couldn't order them. I was like oh my goodness total defeat!!! EPIC FAIL... shit what am I going to do??? My current pants no longer stayed up. I only have 2 dresses that fit and a skirt on the way out the door also. She did an awesome job with her customer service skills in fact I encouraged her to please go online and apply with VZW!! LOL!!! I felt bad for her because when I don't get what I set out to get I trend to get rude. I know I know, I get so mad at people for doing it to me. I am trying to control. I know it wasn't her fault. In fact I was like well thanks for letting me try them on and see what size I can buy!! I had full intentions of leaving and going home and ordering them online. Then "LIGHT BULB" moment. Just maybe... just maybe!!! JCP... hmm back in the day when I worked for them they carried talls and well. I could possibly find the size I needed. The only problem I had planned on having was that I need a "woman" size. Well to my amazement I fit in misses!!! AHAHAHAH!! Awesome.
Let me break this down: Lane Bryant one pair of pants 69.50(crazy I Know) JCP 1 pair of professional nice looking slacks 27.00!! So amazing!!! I walked out of JCP on cloud 9 and saving so much money!!!!
So long story short!! Keep the pounds a falling and save me some dollar!! :)
Then we move to today. I attempted(key word) to run. I made it one mile before the pain in my left shin and calf were unbearable. I believe is no pain no gain. But this was a little much. So back to my old work out plan until my leg can heal. I am sure its because I have been running every day this week.
This next part will be vary vary vague until a follow up blog. So you know when you know something might not be right and well, you just try to put in on the back burner thinking oh no big deal, all is well. It will go away. Well I did this once before and today while lifting I had this scary thought, I did this the 1st time I was pregnant. I felt something was wrong, I then saw the signs, but refused to really SEE what was happening. Needless to say as most of you know, it was my first baby and we never got to meet him or her. Lets just say in a round about way I have a feeling I am back here staring in the mirror. No I am not pregnant. No I am not sick. Just the best analogy I can give right now.
I totally did a follow up to a blog earlier this week and the statement GOD made me strong for a reason was in it. I saw my friend use it as her status and it made me smile. When writing this, I didn't really know how powerful this was going to be in my life. I know I am strong. I know I was made this way for a reason. I know that I am placed (most days) where I am supposed to be, because if not GOD would change it. I am praying to not have to really test how STRONG I really am. But I know if this is another path I will be able to conquer. I watched my brother 1. Throw left handed, and throw curve balls for years. Surely I will see it coming(maybe) and be able to keep my eye on the ball and swing. I am not asking to hit a home run or a grand slam a single would be awesome for me. JUS SAYIN!!!
Any ways!!! Life marches on!!!!!!
Recap
1. JFJ Concert in the PARK: Less than 2 days away
2. I have a "new" tag line for JFJ: WE ARE HER VOICE!! We must speak out and LOUD!!!
3. God made me strong and might be testing this
4. AND THAT is OKAY with me
5. I love who I am and will do my best to always SMILE
6. Shoot now I have to go to 10
7. I heard a lady say "I hope I have as good of friends as Jenny does"
8. What doesn't kill you only makes you STRONGER
9. I believe my youngest child test this theory out every SINGLE day
10. Family First Forever (ps there are very few "friends" in my life who make the family list and to you, you know who you are)
~peace out girl scouts~
Yesterday:
I got to see CT and TR and BR(lil B) lol!!! It is good to see old close friends. It was good just to chat catch up and realize that I'm not alone and see what it is like to keep it real. LOL!!
The next thing that happen was FANFRECKINTASTIC!!!!!!! LOL so I have been shopping with Lane Bryant for years, in fact more than I would like to recall. If you are my size you understand the store is for us "plus"size ladies. It is an awesome store and I love it. However I am 100% sure that my shopping adventures to there are OVER!!! Ha... so I tried on like 5 pairs of pants, found out what size I needed and then asked her to order them in tall. I am totally used to no one ever having talls its just one of them things you get used to be 5'10 lol!!! Well she couldn't order them. I was like oh my goodness total defeat!!! EPIC FAIL... shit what am I going to do??? My current pants no longer stayed up. I only have 2 dresses that fit and a skirt on the way out the door also. She did an awesome job with her customer service skills in fact I encouraged her to please go online and apply with VZW!! LOL!!! I felt bad for her because when I don't get what I set out to get I trend to get rude. I know I know, I get so mad at people for doing it to me. I am trying to control. I know it wasn't her fault. In fact I was like well thanks for letting me try them on and see what size I can buy!! I had full intentions of leaving and going home and ordering them online. Then "LIGHT BULB" moment. Just maybe... just maybe!!! JCP... hmm back in the day when I worked for them they carried talls and well. I could possibly find the size I needed. The only problem I had planned on having was that I need a "woman" size. Well to my amazement I fit in misses!!! AHAHAHAH!! Awesome.
Let me break this down: Lane Bryant one pair of pants 69.50(crazy I Know) JCP 1 pair of professional nice looking slacks 27.00!! So amazing!!! I walked out of JCP on cloud 9 and saving so much money!!!!
So long story short!! Keep the pounds a falling and save me some dollar!! :)
Then we move to today. I attempted(key word) to run. I made it one mile before the pain in my left shin and calf were unbearable. I believe is no pain no gain. But this was a little much. So back to my old work out plan until my leg can heal. I am sure its because I have been running every day this week.
This next part will be vary vary vague until a follow up blog. So you know when you know something might not be right and well, you just try to put in on the back burner thinking oh no big deal, all is well. It will go away. Well I did this once before and today while lifting I had this scary thought, I did this the 1st time I was pregnant. I felt something was wrong, I then saw the signs, but refused to really SEE what was happening. Needless to say as most of you know, it was my first baby and we never got to meet him or her. Lets just say in a round about way I have a feeling I am back here staring in the mirror. No I am not pregnant. No I am not sick. Just the best analogy I can give right now.
I totally did a follow up to a blog earlier this week and the statement GOD made me strong for a reason was in it. I saw my friend use it as her status and it made me smile. When writing this, I didn't really know how powerful this was going to be in my life. I know I am strong. I know I was made this way for a reason. I know that I am placed (most days) where I am supposed to be, because if not GOD would change it. I am praying to not have to really test how STRONG I really am. But I know if this is another path I will be able to conquer. I watched my brother 1. Throw left handed, and throw curve balls for years. Surely I will see it coming(maybe) and be able to keep my eye on the ball and swing. I am not asking to hit a home run or a grand slam a single would be awesome for me. JUS SAYIN!!!
Any ways!!! Life marches on!!!!!!
Recap
1. JFJ Concert in the PARK: Less than 2 days away
2. I have a "new" tag line for JFJ: WE ARE HER VOICE!! We must speak out and LOUD!!!
3. God made me strong and might be testing this
4. AND THAT is OKAY with me
5. I love who I am and will do my best to always SMILE
6. Shoot now I have to go to 10
7. I heard a lady say "I hope I have as good of friends as Jenny does"
8. What doesn't kill you only makes you STRONGER
9. I believe my youngest child test this theory out every SINGLE day
10. Family First Forever (ps there are very few "friends" in my life who make the family list and to you, you know who you are)
~peace out girl scouts~
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Its barely 8 hours later
I was going to put I don't know why, but I do. I need the following quotes, so maybe so do you. There are days I love FB, but there are days that I hate that is there. I have to remember everyone is entitled to freedom of speech. What hurts is when I see my friends hurt or posting things that make me know they are sad and need out of that hurting place. So here they are. They are some of my fave quotes:
"when one door of happiness closes; but we often look so long at the closed door that we don't see which one has been opened for us"-Hellen Keller
"a happy person is not a person is a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes"-huge downs
"Don't go through live grow though it."
"Work as though you don't need money, love as if you've never been hurt, and dance as if no one is watching"
"One day your life with flash before your eyes, make sure its worth watching"
"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making plans"-john lennon
-not an Oprah fan, but here is one "keep a grateful journal, write down every night 5 things you are grateful for, it will soon begin to change your perspective of your day and your life"
"if you judge people you have no time to love them"-mother Teresa
"to the world you might be ONE person, but to that ONE person you might be the WORLD" LOVE LOVE LOVE this one, if you are a parent you know exactly what this means
"never frown, because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile"--just found this one and hmmm I love it***you can ask anyone of my hs friends and they would tell you my fave quote in school was this....I wrote it on everything "smile you never know how much one smile could mean to that one person"--an smile changes peoples day, attitude...
"the best way to predict your future, create it"-ab Lincoln
"some people want it to happen, some wish it to happen, others make it happen"-Michael Jordan
"i can accept failing, everyone fails at something, what I can not accept is not trying"-Michael Jordan
"only those who dare to fail, achieve greatly"Robert Kennedy
"the minute you start talking about what you are going to do if you lose, you have already lost it."
"nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"-Eleanor Roosevelt
"We MUST become the CHANGE we want to see" Gandhi
"its never too late to be what you might have been"
"when everything seems to be going against you remember that a plane takes off against the wind not with it"
"advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we didn't"
"so you have some enemies, good that means you stood up for something"
"a compliment is like a kiss through a veil"
FAMILY FIRST FOREVER-i love when people say yah I didn't get to choose my family. You're right you didn't and you know what love them for who they are, because in the end your family are the only ones whom will be there in the end and be willing to take you in, forgive you, allow you to hate them one day, but love you the next. My FAMILY has encouraged me, watered me, allowed me to fail, allowed me to grow.
BE the friend to that person that you would want them to be to you in there state.
Well this is good for now i think!!!! I am sure I will be blogging later today!!!!!!
"when one door of happiness closes; but we often look so long at the closed door that we don't see which one has been opened for us"-Hellen Keller
"a happy person is not a person is a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes"-huge downs
"Don't go through live grow though it."
"Work as though you don't need money, love as if you've never been hurt, and dance as if no one is watching"
"One day your life with flash before your eyes, make sure its worth watching"
"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making plans"-john lennon
-not an Oprah fan, but here is one "keep a grateful journal, write down every night 5 things you are grateful for, it will soon begin to change your perspective of your day and your life"
"if you judge people you have no time to love them"-mother Teresa
"to the world you might be ONE person, but to that ONE person you might be the WORLD" LOVE LOVE LOVE this one, if you are a parent you know exactly what this means
"never frown, because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile"--just found this one and hmmm I love it***you can ask anyone of my hs friends and they would tell you my fave quote in school was this....I wrote it on everything "smile you never know how much one smile could mean to that one person"--an smile changes peoples day, attitude...
"the best way to predict your future, create it"-ab Lincoln
"some people want it to happen, some wish it to happen, others make it happen"-Michael Jordan
"i can accept failing, everyone fails at something, what I can not accept is not trying"-Michael Jordan
"only those who dare to fail, achieve greatly"Robert Kennedy
"the minute you start talking about what you are going to do if you lose, you have already lost it."
"nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"-Eleanor Roosevelt
"We MUST become the CHANGE we want to see" Gandhi
"its never too late to be what you might have been"
"when everything seems to be going against you remember that a plane takes off against the wind not with it"
"advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we didn't"
"so you have some enemies, good that means you stood up for something"
"a compliment is like a kiss through a veil"
FAMILY FIRST FOREVER-i love when people say yah I didn't get to choose my family. You're right you didn't and you know what love them for who they are, because in the end your family are the only ones whom will be there in the end and be willing to take you in, forgive you, allow you to hate them one day, but love you the next. My FAMILY has encouraged me, watered me, allowed me to fail, allowed me to grow.
BE the friend to that person that you would want them to be to you in there state.
Well this is good for now i think!!!! I am sure I will be blogging later today!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Can I get a bathroom crayon????
Odd title I know!! Ha I totally had an idea this morning and needed a bathtub crayon. Like the ones you buy your kids and they can write on the shower walls and it washes off. Okay point being my best ideas, thoughts an just general comments come while I'm in the shower. Odd maybe I like to think its generally because its early, and as a mom of 3 its almost the ONLY time I get ALONE!!!! I think it would be fun to have write my ideas and then have Brent get in the shower and freak the freak out!!!! Ha Ha Ha.
So first of all. THANK YOU to each and everyone of whom left comments for me to read this am, or sent me messages or chats. It means the world to me to not only see you encouraging me but to know that for some of you it inspires you. Let me add this. Come watch me run and you'll be inspire and get an amazing laugh while you are at it.
I don't know why running has been so hard for me. I enjoy it, but it freaks me out and I look well like I am 15 all over again trying to figure out how to walk and talk at the same time. Any ways there's my laugh for the day, you know you are picturing this girl on the treadmill falling off the back!!!! LOL
So not tonight, but soon I will post my "meal" plan. Like I promised in blog #1. Its funny how "things" "plans" change. Oh no here I go again. Change, no not really but yes maybe. I have totally changed my eating habits and in fact I get full way sooner than I ever ever ever did before. I find red meat difficult to eat. Any supplements I take I try to find "vegan" friendly. No, I am not vegan nor am I trying to become vegan. BUT I will tell you I have read much about it. I have a sister whom is full vegan and an entire in law family that is as well. There is much good in a vegan menu and lifestyle. I am attempting to cook and prepare at least one vegan friendly meal a week. (There's my vegan plug :))
I mentioned in a prior blog that I have found it difficult to reach my calories. I still struggle here and blame my eating habits to my stop in weight loss for about a month. I tired different things to move past this mountain, however I got stuck. I know why, but I feel that when I eat I am forcing myself to eat. I don't do well with that FYI. I also hate when people say "well what did you eat, well you know you HAVE to eat this YOU NEED to do that. I know the way to get your metabolism going you have to start your day off right, by EATING. The most IMPORTANT calories beside breakfast is right AFTER your workout. So I started carrying a banana, orange, shake something with me in the car when I go to the y. The calories you put in your body are so important.
As a female the next most important thing is a tape measure. You won't lose weight some weeks, however you will continue to lose inches. I messed up my "game" plan here people. I was so into the number on the scale this is where I discouraged myself the times before. If I didn't see that number decrease I stopped, gave up and worst of all allowed myself to FAIL. This time around I have learned to be happy with a maintain(no gain no loss). Because it means something somewhere got smaller.
As a result I get to go shopping, no I have to. All my old work pants don't fit and in fact this morning I felt like my dad was standing in front of me telling me "you are not leaving the house in that" "sorry you need a belt", well I don't own a belt so off came the pants and the one skirt I own that is actually getting big now too( insert :) here lol) went on.
Fried food=done with. I hadn't had fried food in awhile well actually I think I figured it to be 4 months and on Saturday I ate some and long story short. NOPE didn't go so smooth.
POP, there are have been VERY VERY few cases of soda drinking. In fact if I have it, it has been at an adult birthday party and diet, mixed with some vanilla something :). At that its almost too sweet.
Well my mind is starting to wonder!!!! So I will end here, but of course I must RECAP(ps if you hadn't noticed my recap generally(i seem to like this word) had nothing to do with my actual blog ahahaah)
RECAP
1. Its officially AUGUST 10th
2. 3 days from JFJ ROCK THE PARK(AKA AVE A lol)
3. Females need a measuring tape
4. My 'think' spot is in the shower
5. Encouragement to me is like DIAMONDS are to girl
6. I had to wake up the two oldest to go the basement
7. I freaked a little bc I couldn't get my brother to my house when the sirens went off
8. Joplin still needs our help and will for years to come
9. You never look or react the same to a siren after you have be 'touched' by a life affected by a devastation.
10. God made me strong for a reason.
BONUS: I have plans to see someone(s) tomorrow!!!! They have no clue and I can't wait!!!!
Double BONUS: Congrats to ASHLEY SHOWALTER on her 51+ lbs weight loss!!!!!! YOU ROCK!
Triple BONUS: I don't have one well I do but I don't (really I'm very tired) I MISS MY SISSY!
PASSION: A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger OOOHH I LOVE THIS ONE: Intense, tireless concentration (focus) on a belief that a task can be completed despite scarcity of human support or any other evidence or argument that would normally compel one's mind to accept an assertion that a particular task is WORTH DOING!!!!!!!
DEVINEY
So first of all. THANK YOU to each and everyone of whom left comments for me to read this am, or sent me messages or chats. It means the world to me to not only see you encouraging me but to know that for some of you it inspires you. Let me add this. Come watch me run and you'll be inspire and get an amazing laugh while you are at it.
I don't know why running has been so hard for me. I enjoy it, but it freaks me out and I look well like I am 15 all over again trying to figure out how to walk and talk at the same time. Any ways there's my laugh for the day, you know you are picturing this girl on the treadmill falling off the back!!!! LOL
So not tonight, but soon I will post my "meal" plan. Like I promised in blog #1. Its funny how "things" "plans" change. Oh no here I go again. Change, no not really but yes maybe. I have totally changed my eating habits and in fact I get full way sooner than I ever ever ever did before. I find red meat difficult to eat. Any supplements I take I try to find "vegan" friendly. No, I am not vegan nor am I trying to become vegan. BUT I will tell you I have read much about it. I have a sister whom is full vegan and an entire in law family that is as well. There is much good in a vegan menu and lifestyle. I am attempting to cook and prepare at least one vegan friendly meal a week. (There's my vegan plug :))
I mentioned in a prior blog that I have found it difficult to reach my calories. I still struggle here and blame my eating habits to my stop in weight loss for about a month. I tired different things to move past this mountain, however I got stuck. I know why, but I feel that when I eat I am forcing myself to eat. I don't do well with that FYI. I also hate when people say "well what did you eat, well you know you HAVE to eat this YOU NEED to do that. I know the way to get your metabolism going you have to start your day off right, by EATING. The most IMPORTANT calories beside breakfast is right AFTER your workout. So I started carrying a banana, orange, shake something with me in the car when I go to the y. The calories you put in your body are so important.
As a female the next most important thing is a tape measure. You won't lose weight some weeks, however you will continue to lose inches. I messed up my "game" plan here people. I was so into the number on the scale this is where I discouraged myself the times before. If I didn't see that number decrease I stopped, gave up and worst of all allowed myself to FAIL. This time around I have learned to be happy with a maintain(no gain no loss). Because it means something somewhere got smaller.
As a result I get to go shopping, no I have to. All my old work pants don't fit and in fact this morning I felt like my dad was standing in front of me telling me "you are not leaving the house in that" "sorry you need a belt", well I don't own a belt so off came the pants and the one skirt I own that is actually getting big now too( insert :) here lol) went on.
Fried food=done with. I hadn't had fried food in awhile well actually I think I figured it to be 4 months and on Saturday I ate some and long story short. NOPE didn't go so smooth.
POP, there are have been VERY VERY few cases of soda drinking. In fact if I have it, it has been at an adult birthday party and diet, mixed with some vanilla something :). At that its almost too sweet.
Well my mind is starting to wonder!!!! So I will end here, but of course I must RECAP(ps if you hadn't noticed my recap generally(i seem to like this word) had nothing to do with my actual blog ahahaah)
RECAP
1. Its officially AUGUST 10th
2. 3 days from JFJ ROCK THE PARK(AKA AVE A lol)
3. Females need a measuring tape
4. My 'think' spot is in the shower
5. Encouragement to me is like DIAMONDS are to girl
6. I had to wake up the two oldest to go the basement
7. I freaked a little bc I couldn't get my brother to my house when the sirens went off
8. Joplin still needs our help and will for years to come
9. You never look or react the same to a siren after you have be 'touched' by a life affected by a devastation.
10. God made me strong for a reason.
BONUS: I have plans to see someone(s) tomorrow!!!! They have no clue and I can't wait!!!!
Double BONUS: Congrats to ASHLEY SHOWALTER on her 51+ lbs weight loss!!!!!! YOU ROCK!
Triple BONUS: I don't have one well I do but I don't (really I'm very tired) I MISS MY SISSY!
PASSION: A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger OOOHH I LOVE THIS ONE: Intense, tireless concentration (focus) on a belief that a task can be completed despite scarcity of human support or any other evidence or argument that would normally compel one's mind to accept an assertion that a particular task is WORTH DOING!!!!!!!
DEVINEY
Monday, August 8, 2011
"May he fall so deep in love with the God of second chances"
So my title is stolen from my brother in laws song. :)
"Life Marches on".... it does everyday. Some days are easier than others. But we must go on while here.
I think its a perfect follow up to my last blog.
Last night the blog I wrote was real "off" so in a way I'm glad I some how deleted it. LOL!! I was upset when I realized I had spent an hour typing and to know you weren't going to get to read it!!! LOL Oh well, its a "do over" :)
So what I had written about was that last week was a hard week. Its funny that this morning on the way home from the y I heard this on the radio though: it was a conversation about working out and how her body "craved" it. Because that is exactly what I had written about. She was talking about feeling ill if she went two days without working out and how she works out just to sweat. I was like, "how odd" I was just blogging about this last night.
So last week was a hard week for me. At first I wasn't sure why. And reason I am choosing not to share, however I clearly ended up knowing why. Life is about changes and so is the business I work in. Last week there were a lot of changes I had to endure. And as much as I would love to say stress generally doesn't get to me I have learned that no matter who you are stress will eat you from the inside out. So lets go back to Sunday, the week started great. We had Eli's celebration birthday party. We did tons of cleaning. I felt like it was my work out and I actually did a great job on food I consumed that day. Monday rolls around and there was NO drive at all in fact most days that I close I get excited because I get to go to the y at an okay time and I get a good work out in. However Monday I could care less if there was a y. I wanted to sleep in spend time with the kids and quite frankly I would be lying if I said I wanted to go to work. In fact I would have rather not. However "new" things were in store for me. Monday came, I "thought"(key word) that it was a GREAT day didn't think things could have gone better. Tuesday rolled around and it was my day off and someone very specials 8th birthday. I knew I wanted to actually go to the y. I mean I do have a goal and I don't give up very easily. So I had told myself just go for 30 minutes and get home and bake the cake and go get the kids and spend a good day off with them. As much as I didn't want to let my business life effect my personal life it was about to happen. I took the kids to daycare. I had the conversation with Eli about what we would do for his special day and we set a time that I would be back to get him. (great little time teller fyi). I went to lunch with Brent did some running around, and made it to they y. I was already, moody and when things aren't going my way I tend to well, just say screw it. I looked at the clock as I was getting on the elipictial and realized that I really probably only had 45 min before I needed to leave to go get the kids because like I said Eli is a great time teller. I got started and before I was like 8 min in I wanted to leave. I told myself no, so the mental vs physical battle had begun. 12 min in I was like make it 30 min and you can leave. Well needless to say 30 min came and went and I did my whole hour knowing I was pushing my luck with time. I knew this "me" time was important. I went back and forth with myself the entire time I was there about how much time I would be there. The night was great we took uncle Zach with us to dinner and he got Lone Star to sign to Eli!!! Wednesday I was back to forget the y. I was the closer again and was well not "into" it. :) Needless to say I was not a friendly person come Wednesday at 9pm. I had found out that yet there were going to be even more "changes", my closest ASM buddy was getting ready to go work for our old manager. :( Thursday was upon us already. I opened and was like forget getting up early there is no point to that. I tend to like my sleep. By noon I had plans in the making for going to the y. I needed my "drug" I wasn't feeling well I had, had this horrible headache all week I couldn't get rid of, everything and everyone was starting to "get" to me. I had to go spend a nice amount of money to enroll our kids in school. So after spending the money I was off to the y. Like I said I was craving my drug, the drug of sweat, pain, and just the smell of the cardio room. Odd, not really. I have been training my body to get used to this. And when I cut it out, my body wanted to shut down.
I get the y. Mind you I have been in a weight loss plato for about one month. Meaning no weight loss. So you could say I was frustrated. A lot had changed professionally for me. Personally my first born is getting older!!! :) So getting to the y. Well I hit a mile stone. Before I took my break back in June to go on a few travels I had been pacing my personal best of 5.75 miles. So what unfolded next was clearly my drive, desire and need for feeling well. I was able to de-stress. Even though I personally thought and acted and to many others(other than my husband) and appeared to be just fine and happy. The stress was getting me from the inside starting to come to the surface. One hour, 6.25 miles and 730 calories burned later. I felt like puking. Oddly enough this has become my new "feeling" my new "crave" and I know if I don't feel this way before I leave I find something else to do to push myself to this level. What happened next to me was a success. I lost weight. I moved past that wall, I moved that mountain. It felt great I left smiling and feeling refreshed.
It amazes me that even though I know my body is worn out I feel better leaving the y then when I entered. I love the feeling. I have added someone to my new inspiration list, Ashley Showalter, you amaze me inspire me and make me what to do more. Actually I have been stuck around that 40-43 lbs lost, and when you posted that you had lost more than me I was well ticked, you make me want to do more to lose more. You are so strong and beautiful. You have been through hell and back and haven't deserved to be there at all. You commitment to your daughter husband and brothers blows me away. You deserve only the best and I look forward every day to seeing your post and where you've been where your going and how you got there or plan on getting there. Thank you for who you are and more so for being a friend to me.
Friday came and I was so ready to get the meeting over and get to the y. I had asked a friend run or elip. And this is the extact statement I got "Run don't half ass it. U have been working hard at this no need to short yourself now." So I did. I used the app couch to 5k aka c25k. Real easy run/walk mix. I did it and with the app and my time, 2 miles. Not as many calories burned that I was used to, but.....I had a light bulb moment. You have to ENDURE CHANGE. Your body gets "used" to the routine. It gets comfortable. When you become comfortable you quit pushing. Needless to say I lost another pound. What this friend doesn't know is how much that statement has impacted me. Here I was like oh cool I've been doing this for 6 plus months, I'm doing good. And many people don't seem to say much about my dedication. Which is okay, however this statement proved something to me. Even though I'm doing this for me and no one else it was good to know that people see how hard I am working and that I want to go to the next level. Sometimes we need that little push to get there. You have to be willing to CHANGE how you work how things work and how life works in order to be successful. Change is hard and usually not fun. BUT in order to move to the next level you have be willing to CHANGE!!! hmm how odd that my personal and professional lives are all about change and success.
So here is my sum up. And if you are still reading I apologize for such a long blog today. I haven't written in awhile.
1. Stress gets to even the "untouchables"
2. Aug 13th is JFJ at AVE A and ASHLEY WILL BE SINGING
3. I will keep using my blog to promote, and educate
4. Friends are important to my success
5. Quitting is not an option
6. Change must take place
7. August 13 at 6:30 pm where will you be.
8. I hit a personal best last week
9. I ran and LOVED it.
10. Justice for Jenny is one of my deepest passions. I will not stop, give up, or shut up until JUSTICE FOR her is served.
You may have noticed I got my Jenny plug in there, here is another one go to you tube search bignix04. Its my brother in law and he is AWESOME!!!!
JUST REMEMBER: "Life Marches ON"
Love you all!!!!!!!!!!
"Life Marches on".... it does everyday. Some days are easier than others. But we must go on while here.
I think its a perfect follow up to my last blog.
Last night the blog I wrote was real "off" so in a way I'm glad I some how deleted it. LOL!! I was upset when I realized I had spent an hour typing and to know you weren't going to get to read it!!! LOL Oh well, its a "do over" :)
So what I had written about was that last week was a hard week. Its funny that this morning on the way home from the y I heard this on the radio though: it was a conversation about working out and how her body "craved" it. Because that is exactly what I had written about. She was talking about feeling ill if she went two days without working out and how she works out just to sweat. I was like, "how odd" I was just blogging about this last night.
So last week was a hard week for me. At first I wasn't sure why. And reason I am choosing not to share, however I clearly ended up knowing why. Life is about changes and so is the business I work in. Last week there were a lot of changes I had to endure. And as much as I would love to say stress generally doesn't get to me I have learned that no matter who you are stress will eat you from the inside out. So lets go back to Sunday, the week started great. We had Eli's celebration birthday party. We did tons of cleaning. I felt like it was my work out and I actually did a great job on food I consumed that day. Monday rolls around and there was NO drive at all in fact most days that I close I get excited because I get to go to the y at an okay time and I get a good work out in. However Monday I could care less if there was a y. I wanted to sleep in spend time with the kids and quite frankly I would be lying if I said I wanted to go to work. In fact I would have rather not. However "new" things were in store for me. Monday came, I "thought"(key word) that it was a GREAT day didn't think things could have gone better. Tuesday rolled around and it was my day off and someone very specials 8th birthday. I knew I wanted to actually go to the y. I mean I do have a goal and I don't give up very easily. So I had told myself just go for 30 minutes and get home and bake the cake and go get the kids and spend a good day off with them. As much as I didn't want to let my business life effect my personal life it was about to happen. I took the kids to daycare. I had the conversation with Eli about what we would do for his special day and we set a time that I would be back to get him. (great little time teller fyi). I went to lunch with Brent did some running around, and made it to they y. I was already, moody and when things aren't going my way I tend to well, just say screw it. I looked at the clock as I was getting on the elipictial and realized that I really probably only had 45 min before I needed to leave to go get the kids because like I said Eli is a great time teller. I got started and before I was like 8 min in I wanted to leave. I told myself no, so the mental vs physical battle had begun. 12 min in I was like make it 30 min and you can leave. Well needless to say 30 min came and went and I did my whole hour knowing I was pushing my luck with time. I knew this "me" time was important. I went back and forth with myself the entire time I was there about how much time I would be there. The night was great we took uncle Zach with us to dinner and he got Lone Star to sign to Eli!!! Wednesday I was back to forget the y. I was the closer again and was well not "into" it. :) Needless to say I was not a friendly person come Wednesday at 9pm. I had found out that yet there were going to be even more "changes", my closest ASM buddy was getting ready to go work for our old manager. :( Thursday was upon us already. I opened and was like forget getting up early there is no point to that. I tend to like my sleep. By noon I had plans in the making for going to the y. I needed my "drug" I wasn't feeling well I had, had this horrible headache all week I couldn't get rid of, everything and everyone was starting to "get" to me. I had to go spend a nice amount of money to enroll our kids in school. So after spending the money I was off to the y. Like I said I was craving my drug, the drug of sweat, pain, and just the smell of the cardio room. Odd, not really. I have been training my body to get used to this. And when I cut it out, my body wanted to shut down.
I get the y. Mind you I have been in a weight loss plato for about one month. Meaning no weight loss. So you could say I was frustrated. A lot had changed professionally for me. Personally my first born is getting older!!! :) So getting to the y. Well I hit a mile stone. Before I took my break back in June to go on a few travels I had been pacing my personal best of 5.75 miles. So what unfolded next was clearly my drive, desire and need for feeling well. I was able to de-stress. Even though I personally thought and acted and to many others(other than my husband) and appeared to be just fine and happy. The stress was getting me from the inside starting to come to the surface. One hour, 6.25 miles and 730 calories burned later. I felt like puking. Oddly enough this has become my new "feeling" my new "crave" and I know if I don't feel this way before I leave I find something else to do to push myself to this level. What happened next to me was a success. I lost weight. I moved past that wall, I moved that mountain. It felt great I left smiling and feeling refreshed.
It amazes me that even though I know my body is worn out I feel better leaving the y then when I entered. I love the feeling. I have added someone to my new inspiration list, Ashley Showalter, you amaze me inspire me and make me what to do more. Actually I have been stuck around that 40-43 lbs lost, and when you posted that you had lost more than me I was well ticked, you make me want to do more to lose more. You are so strong and beautiful. You have been through hell and back and haven't deserved to be there at all. You commitment to your daughter husband and brothers blows me away. You deserve only the best and I look forward every day to seeing your post and where you've been where your going and how you got there or plan on getting there. Thank you for who you are and more so for being a friend to me.
Friday came and I was so ready to get the meeting over and get to the y. I had asked a friend run or elip. And this is the extact statement I got "Run don't half ass it. U have been working hard at this no need to short yourself now." So I did. I used the app couch to 5k aka c25k. Real easy run/walk mix. I did it and with the app and my time, 2 miles. Not as many calories burned that I was used to, but.....I had a light bulb moment. You have to ENDURE CHANGE. Your body gets "used" to the routine. It gets comfortable. When you become comfortable you quit pushing. Needless to say I lost another pound. What this friend doesn't know is how much that statement has impacted me. Here I was like oh cool I've been doing this for 6 plus months, I'm doing good. And many people don't seem to say much about my dedication. Which is okay, however this statement proved something to me. Even though I'm doing this for me and no one else it was good to know that people see how hard I am working and that I want to go to the next level. Sometimes we need that little push to get there. You have to be willing to CHANGE how you work how things work and how life works in order to be successful. Change is hard and usually not fun. BUT in order to move to the next level you have be willing to CHANGE!!! hmm how odd that my personal and professional lives are all about change and success.
So here is my sum up. And if you are still reading I apologize for such a long blog today. I haven't written in awhile.
1. Stress gets to even the "untouchables"
2. Aug 13th is JFJ at AVE A and ASHLEY WILL BE SINGING
3. I will keep using my blog to promote, and educate
4. Friends are important to my success
5. Quitting is not an option
6. Change must take place
7. August 13 at 6:30 pm where will you be.
8. I hit a personal best last week
9. I ran and LOVED it.
10. Justice for Jenny is one of my deepest passions. I will not stop, give up, or shut up until JUSTICE FOR her is served.
You may have noticed I got my Jenny plug in there, here is another one go to you tube search bignix04. Its my brother in law and he is AWESOME!!!!
JUST REMEMBER: "Life Marches ON"
Love you all!!!!!!!!!!
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