I hadn't really planned on blogging tonight however she is heavy on my heart tonight. Tomorrow she is supposed to be celebrating her 28Th birthday. I will never understand any of this.
I wasn't real close with Jenny, but with my brother I am whom is very close friends of this family. None of that matters really, I watched her raise an amazing little man, I watched her in my very own opinion save my brothers best friend, her husband. The way they looked at each other was amazing and for that all to be cut so short makes my heart break. They were supposed to grow old together, have grandkids and spoil them too!
When I see her son run the bases he runs with such pride. She should be here watching that, not up there. I hate seeing her husband broken into pieces. It's hard. I hate that this monster or monsters have allowed us to live in fear. However no longer do you get to win you stole once but nope never again!!!
In fact it makes me so mad I want to scream.
However there is oddly and werid to say some good about the whole thing, seeing the amounts of love, support and overall general concern. I wear my bracelets with PRIDE knowing I am a better person for knowing Jenny for being there the day she said I do and to watching a young man become a father and grow up so fast. Almost every day someone asks me "whats new" "what have you heard" "do they have anyone"???? For all of that I pray every day I have an answer for each one of you. However there still isn't one. However last week I was reminded while at the y, where every day someone says what are your bracelets for. I say Jenny. They then say yeah every day I wonder whats new with that, I had generally said nothing, but for some reason on Wednesday I said well, there are many events going on. Are you on face book? You should go follow Justice for Jenny. So my reminder was that there is something new every day something that everyone could be involved in. (tag line for you all to follow JFJ, garage sale this week, papa johns donates, concerts, golf tourny)
For those that I have heard talk poorly of HPD or the KBI, I am sorry you feel that way however I personally feel they are doing the best with what they have. They are doing their job and doing it to the best of their ability. You have no room to speak unless you are doing that job and at that point you are then telling me you are poorly doing your job.
Life isn't fair I know. I have heard this over and over in my short life time. I will always remember how and where I was when I heard the news that someone had taken away a life that had so much left to do. You didn't have to know Jenny to know who she was. She was that person that she didn't have to say one word to fall in love with her, you just did. I could go on and go about the person she was, and how that life was cut entirely way too short, because someone decided it was their turn to play God and call her Home. To you I have said from hour one, I don't want to know who you are, nor do I care all I want is to know why, why YOU felt the need to take our friend, a mother, a daughter a sister a wife an aunt, WHY did you feel the need to hurt someone who couldn't dream of ever hurting anyone EVER. I continue to pray every day that you are so overwhelmed with guilt that you can't handle it and that God makes you step out of your very dark lonely corner and that you find the courage to do the RIGHT thing. This family deserves to have a closure to heal. However I know that in time it won't matter if you come forward or not you to as will I have our chance before the only JUDGE that matters. He already knows.
Like I said I didn't have the intention of blogging, but Jenny you are on my heart, your family is on my heart. The balloon release looks like it went well. Know that we love you and miss you dearly. Your family is well taken care of. LOL really as if you don't know. Thank for being that extra angel for us here on earth.
Tomorrow should have been a great day of celebration, however we are left a day of remembrance. I will be wearing my purple for you my love!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Inspiration
Inspiration: The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative.
Just to define it, however today I inspired myself. By how you might ask well running.
However I don't generally have to look far to be inspired. I see it my 3 kids faces, in my husbands words, the encouragement from face book, and seeing people I love lose the weight also.
I feel its good to surround yourself with inspiration. It may be as simple as following my blog, watching biggest loser, follow someone on twitter, reading a email, text or quote. I LOVE quotes. There are people I choose to follow just for their quotes.
I personally love to be inspired, however it hasn't come easy. I mean who doesn't prefer to sleep in a rainy day, snuggle up a cold one or just plain relax on a hot one. Lets be frank I've tried this journey not once or twice but three times. What I had to find was my personal inspiration. Many have asked man how do you do it, I wish I had your inspiration. First and foremost my inspiration is God and second myself. I have to inspire myself. How odd right. NO!! All the other times I was on this path because of someone else. When it became myself wanting the change. I want it. I have never wanted something so bad.
Yesterday while at the gym I looked around, I see all kinds of age range, health range. However what inspires me is all the "old" people yes "old". The y is known for them. They greet you when you walk in they say hello to you in the cardio room and say good job on the weight room. This guy whom is there like every time I am, I don't know how it works out this because I don't go at the same time every day, but its kinds of nice. He notices when I've missed a day or change up my routine. Well he made this comment to the trainer he works with. Man she's got it made, she figured this game out before her doctor did. At least she cares now before she's 70, she's not fighting to stay alive but learning how to live.
It hit hard. 1. I'm sure had the path I stayed on, my doctor would have told me. 2. I am learning to live, but I am FIGHTING to stay alive. I want health more than anything. I need health. Why well lets go back to my inspiration. 3 Adorable(not biased at all) kids, my husband, 2 nephews, sisters, brothers, parents. If that's not enough alone then I am crazy.
All I can think about is getting back to the y. Sick maybe however like I said I am not going to lie today I could have slept in easily. I could have spent another hour with my kids. However the hour I choose to go work out is another one I get to gain with them instead of shortening it. I don't know it all(yes Darren mark it on the calendar). I have a lot to learn. I have a long way to go. But if I inspire ONE person just ONE, then I will have accomplished more than desired. I am here if you want someone to work out with, be accountable to. Whatever I am game. The feeling I get leaving the gym is unreal. Its a high. Not drug high, but a high. I feel I can take on the world. The stress leaves its AMAZING.
I love to see people succeed. I think my co workers would agree. I horribly dislike failure. I believe everything happens for a reason. Those reasons we may never find out. I believe God's plan for my life can't go wrong. I also believe I am not the one in control of my life but HE is.
~you can't be inspired without inspiring you first~
Just to define it, however today I inspired myself. By how you might ask well running.
However I don't generally have to look far to be inspired. I see it my 3 kids faces, in my husbands words, the encouragement from face book, and seeing people I love lose the weight also.
I feel its good to surround yourself with inspiration. It may be as simple as following my blog, watching biggest loser, follow someone on twitter, reading a email, text or quote. I LOVE quotes. There are people I choose to follow just for their quotes.
I personally love to be inspired, however it hasn't come easy. I mean who doesn't prefer to sleep in a rainy day, snuggle up a cold one or just plain relax on a hot one. Lets be frank I've tried this journey not once or twice but three times. What I had to find was my personal inspiration. Many have asked man how do you do it, I wish I had your inspiration. First and foremost my inspiration is God and second myself. I have to inspire myself. How odd right. NO!! All the other times I was on this path because of someone else. When it became myself wanting the change. I want it. I have never wanted something so bad.
Yesterday while at the gym I looked around, I see all kinds of age range, health range. However what inspires me is all the "old" people yes "old". The y is known for them. They greet you when you walk in they say hello to you in the cardio room and say good job on the weight room. This guy whom is there like every time I am, I don't know how it works out this because I don't go at the same time every day, but its kinds of nice. He notices when I've missed a day or change up my routine. Well he made this comment to the trainer he works with. Man she's got it made, she figured this game out before her doctor did. At least she cares now before she's 70, she's not fighting to stay alive but learning how to live.
It hit hard. 1. I'm sure had the path I stayed on, my doctor would have told me. 2. I am learning to live, but I am FIGHTING to stay alive. I want health more than anything. I need health. Why well lets go back to my inspiration. 3 Adorable(not biased at all) kids, my husband, 2 nephews, sisters, brothers, parents. If that's not enough alone then I am crazy.
All I can think about is getting back to the y. Sick maybe however like I said I am not going to lie today I could have slept in easily. I could have spent another hour with my kids. However the hour I choose to go work out is another one I get to gain with them instead of shortening it. I don't know it all(yes Darren mark it on the calendar). I have a lot to learn. I have a long way to go. But if I inspire ONE person just ONE, then I will have accomplished more than desired. I am here if you want someone to work out with, be accountable to. Whatever I am game. The feeling I get leaving the gym is unreal. Its a high. Not drug high, but a high. I feel I can take on the world. The stress leaves its AMAZING.
I love to see people succeed. I think my co workers would agree. I horribly dislike failure. I believe everything happens for a reason. Those reasons we may never find out. I believe God's plan for my life can't go wrong. I also believe I am not the one in control of my life but HE is.
~you can't be inspired without inspiring you first~
Monday, July 18, 2011
The First of many to come
So I have had many of you ask for it, so here it really is. I am going to really do this. So read away and tell me what you think.
My journey begins back when we had our last snow of winter. I had been shopping with my mom all day and well to tell you the truth getting around Sam's was not easy. Pushing a cart full of grocery's, chasing down 3 kids. Looking into my cart know that pretty much none of what I was buying was really good for us.
We go to pay and I spent well close to $400 dollars. (we will come back to this) I was sweating not feeling well and generally tired.
I got to my moms and always see her scale and treadmill and always thought man she has it easy she can just work out here. No kids just peace right here. Look out on the yard. So I stepped on the scale. What I saw shocked me. Yup there it stared back at. 284. How in the world did I ever allow myself to get here. I started to cry, but very quickly made myself appear as I had gotten something in my eye. See my mom is really big on being sure to tell me if I didn't like to do something about it. I knew I had gained weight as all my clothes had gotten tighter, and being that my youngest was 2 now, I could no longer blame baby weight as the contributing factor.
So I got home after driving in the scary snow. Told Brent that I had gotten on the scale at my moms. See we had a scale but after I gave up last time, I hid it. I didn't want to see it as I knew it would remind me that I should be working out. We agreed to work on it together. However he reminded me that this time that I had to choose when to start and I had to do it my way. He wasn't going to help me it had to be for me and only me.
It wasn't that easy see remember the $400 I spent, well like I said not a whole lot of good food. More like frozen pizza, frozen pies, chips, salsa, pop tarts, cereal, etc. etc etc. I had to make the choice to get rid of these before I could start.
I am an avid watcher of The Biggest Loser. One of which I want to thank the other of what I want to curse. The books have helped me dearly, however it has always made me mad I couldn't lose the weight as fast as I wanted to.
So it started I had to get rid of the money I had just spent. I allowed my kids to eat most of it while I started my meal plans out of the 30 day fast start biggest loser book. The food in there is really good as well as you get nice servings to make you feel full. This is a big point I would like to point out. If you are trying to diet and can't get full it will NEVER WORK!!! Why you might ask because you have to have a life style change. A diet won't work. You have to follow a meal plan. One of my favorite apps on my phone is my fitness pal. It helps you plan your calories and you can put in food you eat. I will tell you getting to my calories has been my biggest battle. I feel like I am consuming too many calories, however I am not consuming enough. Odd right. However that's why diets don't work, you can not starve yourself. Well needless to say I felt like I wasted $400. However, the thought crossed my mind, I would $400 for my health any day.
I cant thank my husband enough for telling me what he did. You can ask him I got frustrated, and I wanted him to tell me when to start and in fact it made me mad. So to prove him wrong I set out to prove him wrong. I would do this and I would do it my way. I started out using the wii. Biggest loser and wii fit. Both are great so don't take this wrong and an outstanding way to start, but they aren't going to get you were you really need or want to be. Great filler though if you can't get outside, or to the gym. Do not try to solely use these. Month one went well. Like I said though I got upset when I saw the weight not coming off as fast as I saw on TV. Well hello Michele its TV. These people have no where to go but to the gym. And at that they can go 24 hours a day. Happened to be the same day that I got an email at work from a "coach". See I have been getting these emails for 2 years and to tell you the truth I have deleted each one without reading them. I happen to work for a very good company whom care about our health. So we have a coach that sends out health tips, work out tips and nutritional information. This one happen to say STOP, you are your own worst critic. You will do this just allow yourself to take the time you need and STOP beating yourself up. Needless to say every week when I get these emails I read them now and print them off. Great information is to be found in them and they keep me going. As well as many things do.
After my first month ALONE, I got Brent on board. There were many reason to him making me do a month alone. Many things had to change. I know men lose weight faster than women and this was one of his reasons. The other was he knew I wouldn't change my shopping habits for everyone if I didn't for myself. I have found out and as silly as it may sound, shopping for healthier food is so much cheaper and you can buy in bulk just like you do with your not so healthy or what I like to call worthless calorie foods. Another big struggle and still is starting my day out eating. I don't know why but it is so hard for me. With that being said I started drinking shakes. Not just any shakes, but with soy milk and fruit. You get full healthily calories this way. In another blog I will fully go into what a typical meal day looks for me.
Month one under my belt and I wanted more. I was still doing wii, biggest loser and wii fit plus. I wanted more and had already purchased books in the biggest loser line, why not some videos. That's what I did, purchased a few workout DVDS. Jillian's 30 day shred is no joke. It helped but after almost 2 months of doing it on my own and out of my own home. I still wanted more.
I was sick of paying full price for the kids to play y sports so Brent and I checked it out. A membership for our entire family was only $47.00, it was that easy. $47.00 a month and we can work out unlimited. Well during the open hours.
And with that we were y member and still are. Brent and I both work out. He is my rock and accountability. Without that person and my apps on my phone I would be lost. The trainers at the y(even though I have not hired them) are very helpful and willing to offer up help with just a simple question.
I know this blog is long and its getting late(really I have an almost 3 year old jumping off the couch.) I promise now that its really started to follow up as daily as I can.
I know many of you want to know my inspiration and how I do it. I know that almost 6 months into it I haven't lost as much as I was hoping for and I will also explain that. Feel free to follow my blog and stay up to date with me. I will begin training for my first ever 5k in Jan. 2012 and hope to run in Texas with my sister. Many great things are yet to come so follow be inspired encouraged, know that I will be there cheering you on.
~I can accept failing, what I can not accept is not TRYING.~
My journey begins back when we had our last snow of winter. I had been shopping with my mom all day and well to tell you the truth getting around Sam's was not easy. Pushing a cart full of grocery's, chasing down 3 kids. Looking into my cart know that pretty much none of what I was buying was really good for us.
We go to pay and I spent well close to $400 dollars. (we will come back to this) I was sweating not feeling well and generally tired.
I got to my moms and always see her scale and treadmill and always thought man she has it easy she can just work out here. No kids just peace right here. Look out on the yard. So I stepped on the scale. What I saw shocked me. Yup there it stared back at. 284. How in the world did I ever allow myself to get here. I started to cry, but very quickly made myself appear as I had gotten something in my eye. See my mom is really big on being sure to tell me if I didn't like to do something about it. I knew I had gained weight as all my clothes had gotten tighter, and being that my youngest was 2 now, I could no longer blame baby weight as the contributing factor.
So I got home after driving in the scary snow. Told Brent that I had gotten on the scale at my moms. See we had a scale but after I gave up last time, I hid it. I didn't want to see it as I knew it would remind me that I should be working out. We agreed to work on it together. However he reminded me that this time that I had to choose when to start and I had to do it my way. He wasn't going to help me it had to be for me and only me.
It wasn't that easy see remember the $400 I spent, well like I said not a whole lot of good food. More like frozen pizza, frozen pies, chips, salsa, pop tarts, cereal, etc. etc etc. I had to make the choice to get rid of these before I could start.
I am an avid watcher of The Biggest Loser. One of which I want to thank the other of what I want to curse. The books have helped me dearly, however it has always made me mad I couldn't lose the weight as fast as I wanted to.
So it started I had to get rid of the money I had just spent. I allowed my kids to eat most of it while I started my meal plans out of the 30 day fast start biggest loser book. The food in there is really good as well as you get nice servings to make you feel full. This is a big point I would like to point out. If you are trying to diet and can't get full it will NEVER WORK!!! Why you might ask because you have to have a life style change. A diet won't work. You have to follow a meal plan. One of my favorite apps on my phone is my fitness pal. It helps you plan your calories and you can put in food you eat. I will tell you getting to my calories has been my biggest battle. I feel like I am consuming too many calories, however I am not consuming enough. Odd right. However that's why diets don't work, you can not starve yourself. Well needless to say I felt like I wasted $400. However, the thought crossed my mind, I would $400 for my health any day.
I cant thank my husband enough for telling me what he did. You can ask him I got frustrated, and I wanted him to tell me when to start and in fact it made me mad. So to prove him wrong I set out to prove him wrong. I would do this and I would do it my way. I started out using the wii. Biggest loser and wii fit. Both are great so don't take this wrong and an outstanding way to start, but they aren't going to get you were you really need or want to be. Great filler though if you can't get outside, or to the gym. Do not try to solely use these. Month one went well. Like I said though I got upset when I saw the weight not coming off as fast as I saw on TV. Well hello Michele its TV. These people have no where to go but to the gym. And at that they can go 24 hours a day. Happened to be the same day that I got an email at work from a "coach". See I have been getting these emails for 2 years and to tell you the truth I have deleted each one without reading them. I happen to work for a very good company whom care about our health. So we have a coach that sends out health tips, work out tips and nutritional information. This one happen to say STOP, you are your own worst critic. You will do this just allow yourself to take the time you need and STOP beating yourself up. Needless to say every week when I get these emails I read them now and print them off. Great information is to be found in them and they keep me going. As well as many things do.
After my first month ALONE, I got Brent on board. There were many reason to him making me do a month alone. Many things had to change. I know men lose weight faster than women and this was one of his reasons. The other was he knew I wouldn't change my shopping habits for everyone if I didn't for myself. I have found out and as silly as it may sound, shopping for healthier food is so much cheaper and you can buy in bulk just like you do with your not so healthy or what I like to call worthless calorie foods. Another big struggle and still is starting my day out eating. I don't know why but it is so hard for me. With that being said I started drinking shakes. Not just any shakes, but with soy milk and fruit. You get full healthily calories this way. In another blog I will fully go into what a typical meal day looks for me.
Month one under my belt and I wanted more. I was still doing wii, biggest loser and wii fit plus. I wanted more and had already purchased books in the biggest loser line, why not some videos. That's what I did, purchased a few workout DVDS. Jillian's 30 day shred is no joke. It helped but after almost 2 months of doing it on my own and out of my own home. I still wanted more.
I was sick of paying full price for the kids to play y sports so Brent and I checked it out. A membership for our entire family was only $47.00, it was that easy. $47.00 a month and we can work out unlimited. Well during the open hours.
And with that we were y member and still are. Brent and I both work out. He is my rock and accountability. Without that person and my apps on my phone I would be lost. The trainers at the y(even though I have not hired them) are very helpful and willing to offer up help with just a simple question.
I know this blog is long and its getting late(really I have an almost 3 year old jumping off the couch.) I promise now that its really started to follow up as daily as I can.
I know many of you want to know my inspiration and how I do it. I know that almost 6 months into it I haven't lost as much as I was hoping for and I will also explain that. Feel free to follow my blog and stay up to date with me. I will begin training for my first ever 5k in Jan. 2012 and hope to run in Texas with my sister. Many great things are yet to come so follow be inspired encouraged, know that I will be there cheering you on.
~I can accept failing, what I can not accept is not TRYING.~
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